The myth of trying harder

Here's the message that is running through my head on repeat:

You can't do it by trying harder.

Whether it's a yoga pose or healing a heart.

Of course effort is necessary. I am relentless in my devotion to my vision.

But it doesn't have to be a struggle.

This has been true for me in asana, in my business, in my underworld tour.

The question I am challenged to ask again and again is: What would it be like to do this with ease, with softness, with kindness? Those are the superpowers of our times.


Here are two examples.

When I sold It's All Yoga in 2017, the contract had a clause that said if the new owner ever changed the name of the studio, "it's all yoga" would be returned to me.

When the name did change less than a year later, we had a conversation about the appropriate timing of the IAY name transfer and agreed to give things a little time to settle.

I checked back in every six months or so, my building desire to have this name, which felt like an extension of me, turning into frustration. Admittedly, after nearly two years of waiting, I would get tied up in knots about it if the subject came up in our house. I was contracted, gripping, in angst and struggle.

After my last check in (after the studio changed hands again), I finally came to a place of surrender. I sat down with myself and did the uncomfortable work of looking honestly at my rigidity around the situation. My attachment and rigidity were creating a wall around me. I completely let go of ever having the name.

It is no coincidence that no less than a month after letting go of trying so hard, I received a text message out of the blue that the name was mine. (And soon there will be shirts!!)


The second example is about my website.

Just a few months ago I launched a new website. It had taken almost a year to design, build and refine. The whole process was painful -- it seemed like nothing went as planned. Again, I would get myself tangled up in wanting and struggle, gripped in my body and mind.

Even though the site was pretty, all of this angst came through -- it wasn't functional, it was hard to find things, it was creative, yet unclear.

Five weeks ago, I hired Sasha from Outlaw Creative. My site launched last week. We're still putting final touches on it to make it extra special, and there might be a link or two that I haven't updated. But the process was smooth like vegan butter. It was simple.


We are taught that things that are worthwhile are hard. I used to believe that, too.
 

I'm getting more curious about how I *make* it hard, how trying harder doesn't mean it will go better, how ease might have an even better result.

And, of course, this makes me think of Depth is the Remedy. If you want to use your time right now to go IN and connect and deepen (rather than forget, disconnect and avoid), check it out. Let's get in the practice.

And we can do it with ease and without trying harder.


Oh, and check out my new website!!

Stay in touch.
With love,

Michelle

Michelle Marlahan
Where Self Care becomes Soul Care

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