I’m A Goober
It’s come to my attention that some people I think I have it all together.
I heard from several women in the 50/50 conversations that I can come across with a kind of perfection that's easy to idealize.
Yes, I am kind and compassionate, elegant and generous, self-aware and insightful, intelligent and good at what I do.
And I can also be shallow. My default is to shut down when I’m upset. I’ve wrestled with depression and anxiety. I have an ongoing relationship with jealousy, fear of abandonment and co-dependency. I am exquisitely sensitive, which has its gifts and challenges.
Even more than OK – if we deny our humanness, we set ourselves up for shame. Sometimes we hold ourselves to standards that are unrealistic, even saintly. And then we feel ashamed and unworthy when we miss the mark.
Sometimes we expect this perfection from others. I am blessed to know many people who are deeply committed to their own growth, do the diligent pickaxe work of self-development, and take responsibility when things don’t go as planned. It would be unfair to expect them to live only in that narrow range. In my own past, I have been challenged to give people permission to live in their complexity when I have been hurt or disappointed by their actions. In those moments, I am as unforgiving to myself as I am to others.
This is part of the challenge with things like social media, or even writing to you here. The pictures are glossy, the stories are curated. I do my best to keep things real. But just in case, I wanted to really knock myself off the pedestal today:
I am actually goober! I’m kind of dorky. I don't do well with too much social time. Sometimes I stay in my pajamas until noon. I can be rigid and stubborn. I’m a tragically inconsistent meditator. I’ve gone for long periods without stepping on a yoga mat (and still considered myself a yogini). Oh, and I swear like a sailor!
Let’s not hide our humanness. Let’s not shame ourselves or others for being brilliantly messy. You and I are doing our best, all things considered.
In the spirit of love this week (albeit, Hallmarky), why not make a list of all your fabulous qualities… the ones you love and the ones you try to hide… and take a moment to see yourself in all your dimensions, all your colors.
I'd be honored to hear your list... or your thoughts about your list.
