Might as well love myself
Photo by Jack Anstey on Unsplash
A few weeks ago I was standing on a pedestrian bridge with a dear friend, watching the huge, swollen river flow toward us, aware that it was at the same time passing underneath us and flowing away. We’d been walking and talking about potent challenges that are here right now — a painful family situation (hers), an ongoing health issue (mine), and how brutal the pain of the world is right now (and so often). From the bridge, the river felt wide and deep enough to hold it all. We paused in silence and let the river — and life — flow as it does: toward us, through us, and past.
These days, I feel like a compost heap being turned over and over with a pitchfork. Usually, I feel pretty grounded, clear, focused. The past years have been unsettling and messy, and many times I’ve been on my knees feeling around in the dark trying to find the sacredness in it all. It’s a new stage of life, relationships are being renegotiated, including the one with myself. There’s a lot to grieve and learn.
I share this with you, dear reader, as another human in the river who might be rowing upstream or stuck in an eddy or worse, capsized. In these places, it’s easy for judgments to be disguised as facts. It’s tempting to cling to certainty or perfectionism as a false sense of safety. Or to settle for an old identity, mistaking familiarity for comfort.
We are always in the river. And as they say, you can’t step into the same river twice. It can teach us new ways to be with the old. It can smooth out rough edges. It can carry you to new territory. No sense in trying to block or avoid or hold on to it.
Might as well let it flow.
This short phrase has become my new mantra: “Might as well…”
Sometimes it ends with “laugh about it” or “take a nap” or “make some tea.”
After a couple weeks of “might as well” practice, I remembered the old saying, “Might as well. Can’t dance, never could sing, and it’s too wet to plow.”
Giving I don’t have better options vibes, I relate. Sometimes I reach self kindness, forgiveness, and grace as my last resort. Taken literally, “might as well” could be defined as “possibly just as appropriate or fitting.” Akin to “when all else fails”… when the pushing, the numbing, the wrestling with reality is only creating more suffering…
Yes, it could be just as appropriate to…
Stand up and stretch.
Close my eyes and exhale.
Assume the best.
Love myself.
Because the alternative, which is often self-critical and unkind, feels pretty awful. So of all the options I have, why not choose the one that is loving?
When you are compromised or in crisis, what’s your “might as well?” For me, the practices of movement, one-minute meditation, soul-friend connection, ritual, and nature magic help keep me afloat down this river. Might as well let it flow. Might as well enjoy the ride. Might as well love myself.
Share yours in the comments.
xo
